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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Soup of the day: Beer
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people