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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
I stopped going to AA because all of their stories were about how they hit rock bottom by waking up next to me.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that it doesn`t let you skip.