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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?