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My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.