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I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.