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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers