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You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.