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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
So long pants! See you Monday!
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....