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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, “try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal”