Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
LISTEN: It was sweet of you to suck the venom out of my snake bite, but if you really loved me... you would have swallowed.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Sometimes it’s just better to buy new Tupperware than to risk opening the leftovers.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.