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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Most problems can be solved with nudity
R2-D2 from Star Wars, still holds the record for most curse words in a movie.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.