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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.