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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I believe in love at first episode.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!