Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.