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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.