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Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Why would I pay someone to scare me at a haunted house when I could just open a can of biscuits at home?
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow