Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.