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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
If you have to guess what a commercial is selling, it`s always perfume.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!