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People will do odd things to get even.
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"