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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!