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I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"