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People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I’ve discovered, the easiest way to change a flat tire is by not wearing a bra.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Never scratch your a$$ with chocolate on your fingers.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"