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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?