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My internet is so slow, it`s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them in person.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.