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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?