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real eyes realize real lies
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it