Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…