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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
Yea, there is no "I" in team... but there sure is "ME".
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right