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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.