Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
Stop complaining about being single on Valentine`s Day. We have bigger problems in this world. Like why McDonald`s doesn`t serve breakfast after 10.30
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
The wet spot in my bed is tears
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.