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Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.