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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.