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Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.