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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.