Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?