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Dear Santa, I was framed!
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
For Christmas I just want summer...
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.