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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
When I see people drinking at 11 am on a Friday I`m like, where do you work and are they hiring?
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud