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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
If you ever question yourself, your life choices, your sanity...just watch an episode of Hoarders and you`ll be all good.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.