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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.