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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
IRS: We`ve got what it takes to take what you`ve got.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
Ok a$$hole, just go around me. I`m already doing 30 over the limit, I`m not speeding up. Stupid car with your stupid flashing lights
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.