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At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Dear liver…. Here is an advance sorry for tonight… sincerely Jimmy…
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
They say money can’t buy happiness… but it can buy bacon, and that is pretty darn close.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/