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I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.