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I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.