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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
If you pour two beers into one glass, it becomes just one beer.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.