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If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.