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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Defeat....the feeling you get when you realize the "next" level is just as hard......
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance