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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
Neil Armstrong was the first human being to step foot on the moon. Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"