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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do