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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.