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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Grocery stores could save me a lot of time and effort by adding an “All the stuff you can microwave” aisle.
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.