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Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.