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Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
Feeling bored? Post a status on Facebook that says "Barack Obama 2016" and buckle up for the ride of your life.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."