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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things Iād get a lot more done.
Teens today have it so easy. We didn`t have self-checkout lanes when we bought condoms.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one