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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
I`m starting to think that adult supervision is a myth. In fact, my eyes seem to be getting worse.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...