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"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
What I learned in college 1.Water bottles are a great way to hide vodka. 2. When your thirsty in the morning you will regret #1.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
If the people in horror movies would just listen to me, they would still be alive!
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles