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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can`t put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can`t really fly -next"
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.