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I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
I need a new bad decision.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.