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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
I wonder if angry people know about naps?
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I know u r but what am I ?
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.