Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.