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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?