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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.