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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
I’m bored enough to clean.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”