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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.