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Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Pay phones should be replaced with chargers for cell phones.
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.