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They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
My wife said she wanted to feel special. So I gave her a helmet and some crayons. Perhaps I misunderstood her?
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!