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There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
Doormats are a gateway rug.
I`ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
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