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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?