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Sorry I`m late... I accidentally pulled the chain on the ceiling fan one too many times for like 9 hours straight.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Spiderman`s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.