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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
I always advise people never to give advice.
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.