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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.