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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I`m trying to update my e-harmony profile
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?