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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!