Daily Silly Status

Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out

Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.

I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.

Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.

I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.

The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.

One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."

You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .

Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.

I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.

"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.

I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers