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I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
Sometimes you just have to logout...
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."