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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.