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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.