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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."