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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
I haven`t gotten laid in so long, you`d swear I`ve been wearing Crocs all this time.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.