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I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
If my psychiatrist said "There`s really nothing more I can do for you", that means I`m cured right??
Answering my phone and saying... FBI fraud division. Has really cut down on the telemarketers.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.