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1. I wish more people were fluent in silence.
   
2. People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
   
3. Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
   
4. No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
   
5. Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
   
6. The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
   
7. I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
   
8. I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
   
9. Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
   
10. Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
    
11. I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
    
12. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
    
13. What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...
    
14. Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
    
    
    
    
    
    

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