Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
   
2. Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
   
3. I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
   
4. I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
   
5. Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
   
6. It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
   
7. My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
   
8. If you use more toilet paper to wipe the tears out of your eyes then wip your bum in the morning...the food was too hot the night before
   
9. To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
   
10. Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
    
11. She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
    
12. I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
    
13. If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
    
14. Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
    
    
    
    
    
    

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