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1. This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
   
2. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
   
3. When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
   
4. The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
   
5. I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
   
6. Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
   
7. The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
   
8. Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
   
9. Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
   
10. To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
    
11. Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
    
12. I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
    
13. If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
    
14. BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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