Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
   
2. I miss being able to use the excuse "I wasn`t home when you called."
   
3. Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
   
4. If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
   
5. Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex
   
6. Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
   
7. Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
   
8. I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
   
9. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
   
10. I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
    
11. Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
    
12. Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
    
13. I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
    
14. No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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