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1. I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
   
2. I`ve set my "life goals" to stuff I`ve already done so literally every day now I`m overachieving. It`s all about perspective.
   
3. Beer is good, but beers are better.
   
4. Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
   
5. My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
   
6. The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
   
7. GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
   
8. I wonder if there are birds that prefer not to sing in the morning and that just roll around in their nests until noon.
   
9. If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
   
10. Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming... 1. Whenever you`re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you`re right, shut up.
    
11. People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
    
12. Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
    
13. There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
    
14. I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
    
    
    
    
    
    

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