Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
   
2. I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
   
3. Why do men fart more than women? Because women can`t shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
   
4. Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
   
5. As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
   
6. Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
   
7. Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
   
8. Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
   
9. It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
   
10. I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
    
11. Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
    
12. That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
    
13. When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
    
14. "in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
    
    
    
    
    
    

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