Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
   
2. One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
   
3. If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
   
4. Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
   
5. Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
   
6. I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
   
7. The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
   
8. Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
   
9. When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
   
10. I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
    
11. If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
    
12. Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
    
13. I decided to bury the hatchet with that neighbor I never got along with. After all, it is the murder weapon.
    
14. If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo`s show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it`s Halloween because our family reunion was in July....
    
    
    
    
    
    

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